That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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