Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Can I color on your dick again?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
