that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
