Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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