I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
