you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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