just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
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Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
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He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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