He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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