If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
