Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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