She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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