worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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