I feel like abortions should bother me more
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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