omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
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I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
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On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize