proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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