return my video game
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize