but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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