Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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