You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
