You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
