I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
