Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
