That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
