I got chris browned last night
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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