i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
