When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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