His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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