i love accidental penises.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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