I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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