Plan B is the new Plan A
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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