Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
