I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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