well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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