Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
