highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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