its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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