also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
don't judge my taste in strippers
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
