Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
