I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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