I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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