I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
