Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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