if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
