Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
