so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
