I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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