Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
