She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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