I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
