bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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