This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
