you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
