all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
