I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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