I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude i'm inner monologue high
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
