either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Success! We fucked roommates!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
