Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
