mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize