in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize