So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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