I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
