I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
