The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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