Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
