i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I want you more than these girls want KFC
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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