you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
