guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
