I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
