At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
