He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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