she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
