i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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