Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
