If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize