i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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