MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize