I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
