i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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