It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
