Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
