does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
