Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize