I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
